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Literature
Gloomy Days.
It's horrible,
These gloomy days that surround us.
October days,
And before it, days unnoticed.
I stand aside,
Watching people pass me by.
I am invisible to them.
I watch the storms in the sky,
And the rain pouring madly on everything.
Sometimes it is too dark,
And I can see nothing,
I can only hear the clouds roaring and thundering,
Very close.
*
It's horrible,
These gloomy days that surround us.
The wind rages more,
And I shiver against the cold,
And yet it is not so bitter.
My body shivers and breaks,
And I welcome it. 
I welcome all of it, 
With silence, 
Indifference, 
And tears at night.
No one knows,
How horrible these gloomy days are.
Worse than shadows and scars,
Worse than blood, 
Worse than failure, 
Perhaps, worse than dying.
*
It's horrible,
These gloomy days that surround me,
In my haven of sleep even, 
My worlds of dream.
I loathe dreaming now,
And I loathe these gloomy days of mine.
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 7 5
Gloomy Days by Alene-Writer Gloomy Days :iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 6 4
Literature
Nothing?
I thought I became nothing a long time ago.
Why is it then that I keep losing parts of me everyday?
How is it possible that I keep breaking a little more?
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 5 4
Literature
State(s)
It seems this is my fate
To always be lost between two things, two feelings, two roads
Pulled from both sides
Shredded
Damaged 
Always in grey. 
It is times like these
That I want to clutch my heart so tight
And pluck it off
Or squeeze it hard and long 
Until the vessels burst
And it is no more.
It is at such times
That I wish this weight inside my chest
Didn't weigh a thing.
How come I feel a heavy hole inside? 
What sense is there in that?
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 2 8
Literature
Raw
What do you do when you became aware of a hole inside your chest?
Do you search for warmth to fill it up?
Do you wait for said warmth to come find you itself? 
Or do you abandon the search and waiting all together?
And when you fail in your search and give up on your waiting, what happens then? 
Is there truly no light warm enough for me? 
Is there truly no other way than to stitch up the tear myself?
But how can I? 
How can I mend the hole inside my chest when it is already suffocating to breathe? 
How can I be able to draw air inside again?
How can I succeed when I am undeserving in the first place? 

What do you do when you become aware of a hole inside your chest? 
A hole that has always existed?
And warmth that you have always lacked?
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 8 8
Literature
Old
My chest hurts so much
I feel it clenching around my heart
Forcing the blood inside
Trapped
Like I am
Inside days of madness
And cold despair nights 
(I have lost control of my days
My energy drained of off my body
My brain spacing out)

Madness
Am I getting mad? 
Or have I gotten mad already?
I can't tell
What is this feeling inside my head? 
That claws onto the walls I've built around
And draws my frustration to the surface 
From the deepest hole that exists 
What is this feeling? 
Choking me
Leaving me without a breath
And without any reason
I am not myself 
And it's not a phase that will pass
Like seasons do
Or like eclipses do
My old self is not dead neither
Nor chattered
Nor burned
I have grown older
My old self was a child
Now I am an old soul
I skipped my teenage and adult selves
I have grown up
My old self has evolved
Nothing can undo this transformation
The oxygen released from plants doesn't become water again
An old soul remains fore
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 4 7
Literature
Facts
The fact that no one stops
For more than a minute
A soon-to-forget remembrance
A quick text
 
The fact that no one stops their life
To stand beside yours
Perhaps
 
The fact that no one does
Even when you tell them not to
 
This ever complicated cycle between the heart and the tongue
This ever persistent need for someone to stop and know
So wearing out
And increasingly pathetic
 
More than loneliness
These facts couldn’t only be this
Because you know that loneliness has long since scarred you
And made a lovely home of you
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 5 9
Literature
Of Homes.
What do you do
When your home doesn't feel like home anymore? 
What do you do
When you wake up every day at your home to a feeling of a maddening familiarity? 
What do you do
When you wish one day on your way back home that you never arrive? 
What do you do
When you realise your home is only made of walls and doors and clocks?
What do you do
When your home has never felt like home before? 
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 8 12
Literature
Always With Me
Days are lonely 
Pretty much.
It's maddening instead of being quiet
Like it used to. 
The silence is deafening 
And being alone feels like dying
Slowly. 
Like a tree shedding its leaves in a late summer
One after one
Baring itself to the wind
And the warm sky.
Tears are not bitter anymore
And heartbeats are no longer throbbing
To anything that matters
To anything.
Untill the next season.
Wondering if the next winter will ever arrive.
This land is a strange one
Time, foreign 
And cruel people. 
But the air is not so unkind
It, with sweet acceptance, flows around. 
It is lovely and engulfing
Promising 
Of no false hopes
At the end.
Only, perhaps
Of, for once
Peace. 
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 4 18
Literature
Untitled
Another Sunday
And Sunday
And Sunday
To pass like it doesn’t matter
Only to bring out the worst of my gloomy self
And to watch me waste the day again
To tears and online readings and songs and typing of these notes
And to laugh at me and my pitiful existence.
When did it become this hard to breathe?
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 3 7
Literature
Dying
I am dying
And I am sure of it.
I am dying a slow death
And there is no cure.
My illness lies not in my bones
Or blood
Or heart
Or head.
I am my own illness. 
How can you heal yourself from yourself? 
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 13 16
Literature
Monochrome.
And somewhere, a clock is ticking
I look in a mirror 
A monochrome
Days like these
Agonizing
Can I demolish the air I breathe?
A clock is ticking
A reflection frowns
Of consumption of the core
Where am I?
Please
Why am I?
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 11 9
Literature
What is this?
What is this?
Where did the weight on my chest go? 
Why does my heart feel so light?
So suddenly? 
I feel as if a hole is pierced inside my chest
And the air I breathe just passes through
It doesn't linger
It doesn't choke me anymore.
Where are the tears that collect
Every time I think of you? 
Where is the sound of blood in my ears
Every time I wish to hold you? 
My heart does not accelerate
Anymore
At the mere image of you
Inside my head. 
So suddenly
My desire is fading 
You are slipping away
What is this? 
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 14 16
Literature
What to remember anyway?
What to remember anyway?
Growing up from afar? 
The screaming? 
There was so much screaming! 
The angry scowls? 
The pain of the stabs? 
Even more so, the pain in my chest, every time? 
The hugs I never had? 
The kisses I never felt? 
The touches that never lingered, never were? 
Am I cruel for saying this?
Have I become so heartless?
Did I just lose my humanity?
What to remember?
Compassion and love
Barely there
Like they were in a constant state of dissolving
Fading into days and years? 
And tears that never seemed to stop? 
I do not know what love is
They cannot blame me
These words I did not choose
My past is writing it
My memories shape my mouth.
I do not know what love is
My life has been hard on me
And my heart did not learn to appreciate
And bleed for someone else
Someone sacred and blessed 
Someone favored by God and nature
Someone cherished by all creatures.
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 12 11
Literature
Inside Shadows
Inside shadows
Where nothing was
But heavy breaths and me
And the beating inside my chest
And the flow of my blood to my brain,
Death hovered.
Like waves upon a shore,
Fear crept towards and away.
Ascending and descending.
Rising and falling,
Like sand grains scattering at times
And decaying at others.
All the stars that once inhabited my world,
Bursted one after one.
All the ladders I used to climb to get there,
Crumbled beneath.
All the magical spells I created with love and obsession,
Conjured no magic.
What I was before and what I was then,
Didn't matter.
Didn't mean a thing.
Didn't hold a value.
Only what I was to become.
Or rather
What was to become of me.
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 13 5
Literature
Back to 5 years
No dear, your life hasn’t changed. Not yet anyway. Not ever most probably.
And yes, you still, from time to time, wonder if God interferes with our lives.
And no, you haven’t gotten any answer, not even a glimpse of a hint or a sign.
These I know.
What I don’t, however, is if you are still waiting to know.
If you are not, I salute you dearly!
But if you are, I think you are being unreasonable and unrealistic when living turned out to be the most realistic thing ever.
 
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 8 12

Favourites

Snuggly Blankets by SerenWild Snuggly Blankets :iconserenwild:SerenWild 39 22
Literature
Castle In the Clouds
Once upon a time, I believed I was the king,
but I woke up to find I was the king of nothing.
And all the king's horses and all the king's men,
turned out to be an illusion I'd never see again.
feel free to laugh now.
:iconWordOfChen:WordOfChen
:iconwordofchen:WordOfChen 21 4
Literature
Empty Feelings
Right now, I feel nothing
Just an empty shell of me-
I want to be away from me
Just to see how it feels-
Right now, I could fall off
The face of the world and
I know nobody would notice-
I'm alone again in this room
Full of chattering people-
Alone as always, since I can
Remember- as a child I was
Alone and occasionally
I was lonely-
Now,
just alone-
Now,
just empty-
:iconEvilScarrlett:EvilScarrlett
:iconevilscarrlett:EvilScarrlett 6 11
Literature
Storm Phase

Listening to the thunder
I feel such solemn peace
A lot of things left behind
A lot of things within reach
The night surrounds me
As the rain falls gently down
The lightning flares for me
Often without making a sound
Darkness falls in silver shades
I feel it encompass me in strands
Calmness as those clouds roll in
A storm comes like it’s a dance
:iconEvilScarrlett:EvilScarrlett
:iconevilscarrlett:EvilScarrlett 5 3
Literature
Over and Gone
Thoughts of you have changed
In me now
I loved the good part deep
Inside of you
I know that part is gone now
The mask has cracked
I am over the way I once
Felt about you
Now, I am done being erased
From your mind
Now, I erase the thoughts of
You from mine
:iconEvilScarrlett:EvilScarrlett
:iconevilscarrlett:EvilScarrlett 5 2
Literature
The Sign
Lust was all it ever was
And I really know that now
It took a while to sort it out
But now, I’ve left him behind
A new month begins and so do I
Now I wonder ‘what was I waiting for?’
Now, I know I was waiting for a sign
And that sign finally came to me
The sign was waiting within me
:iconEvilScarrlett:EvilScarrlett
:iconevilscarrlett:EvilScarrlett 5 3
Literature
Disenchanted
My heart beats steel
in my chest of dreams.
The vision of those
dreams is now blinded.
The hum of the bees
in my knees has flown.
My strumming heart-
strings are played out.
Leaving me wining for
a glass of merlot truth.
:iconEvilScarrlett:EvilScarrlett
:iconevilscarrlett:EvilScarrlett 4 0
Literature
Stolen time
Close your eyes
I will take you on a journey
Behind the skies
Where the night is blurry
I will take you
Take you to the empty sky
And steal your view
Leave you behind to die
Every time I am with you
I realize that
I’m so sick of you
I’m so sick of you
Bored to the bone
When will you be gone?
You’re not moving
When will you go?
I dried out,
Went insane, forgot myself
Filled with doubt
You can’t even stand yourself
Beautiful times
We’ve spent calling our names
They were all lies
All killed by the flames
It took me so long
To realize that
I’m so sick of you
I’m so sick of you
Bored to the bone
When will you be gone?
You’re not breathing
When will you go?
:iconTimelessDaydreamer:TimelessDaydreamer
:icontimelessdaydreamer:TimelessDaydreamer 10 0
Literature
you the potter, i the clay.
drenched like a sponge into mud,
       my heaving heart
insatiable yet filled
sunk into that passion
       once you called love
and the words you plastered against my chest
       cemented right through my bones
the pulsations rocking in me
       your love concrete indeed
for in my chest there is no beating heart
      but a stagnant clog of dirty clay
you the potter, i the clay.
:iconrinaeutu:rinaeutu
:iconrinaeutu:rinaeutu 4 2
Literature
Lesson
Teach me how to just turn
My feelings off so easily
What I feel remains
No matter what I do to
Try to feel otherwise-
I made a place for him
In my world
Only to be ejected
By him from his-
:iconEvilScarrlett:EvilScarrlett
:iconevilscarrlett:EvilScarrlett 4 0
Literature
Over
Traces of this remain
In all waking times
Never fully releasing
Me from this burden
And the void combined-
I process the elements
In many different ways
But fail to understand-
I strive to accept the
Fact that it will never
Be the same for me-
The details that confirm
That this is what ‘over’
Feels like- day after day-
:iconEvilScarrlett:EvilScarrlett
:iconevilscarrlett:EvilScarrlett 3 4
Literature
Teach
Paint me a picture
Of how life should be-
Show me another
Point of view today-
Direct me to a better
Life choice right now-
Show me how you
Make it look so easy-
As I falter at every
Turn I try to make-
I’m so unsure of
How to proceed now-
I need some guidance
To teach me some way-
I want is so badly
Can anyone help?
:iconEvilScarrlett:EvilScarrlett
:iconevilscarrlett:EvilScarrlett 4 0
Literature
Infusions and Time
Taking it slow
Is the only way
I can do things-
My mind is awash
In the mists of
Illness and life
I ask myself
Which one will
Rule me today?-
Don’t rush in
Judgement yet,
I try so hard-
The drip keeps
Falling down as
I fail to choose-
The days turn
To months and
Then to years-
It all goes so
Fast now that
I fail to see-
All the things
Pass like a blur
As time ticks away-
:iconEvilScarrlett:EvilScarrlett
:iconevilscarrlett:EvilScarrlett 3 2
Literature
She Loved Him So Much - Flash Fiction
Her tears inspired within him a keen sense of empathy and compassion, and caused him to instinctively embrace her in an attempt to comfort her through her pain. She eased into him, calming to a noticeable degree immediately. Her trembling became less severe, and her breathing more even in a matter of a seconds. And when at last she was fully stilled, he gently pulled away from her - his hug having accomplished all he had hoped it would. He separated himself from her because as an unrelated gentleman who only saw himself as her friend; he did not wish to hold her any longer than the laws of propriety would permit... But had he not felt the need to unentangle himself and move away so soon, she would've gladly remained there... forever; her cheek softly resting against his chest, just listening to the rhythmic, melodious inner workings of his beating heart... the sound of which was to her the most beautiful in existence... for it meant that he, and every wonderful thing that
:iconShimmeringDewdrops:ShimmeringDewdrops
:iconshimmeringdewdrops:ShimmeringDewdrops 16 23
Literature
Not Funny
"That's not funny!" she said, laughing.
:iconShimmeringDewdrops:ShimmeringDewdrops
:iconshimmeringdewdrops:ShimmeringDewdrops 8 6
Literature
Interrupted
"You never let me finish my―"
:iconShimmeringDewdrops:ShimmeringDewdrops
:iconshimmeringdewdrops:ShimmeringDewdrops 8 11

Groups

Activity


It's horrible,

These gloomy days that surround us.

October days,

And before it, days unnoticed.


I stand aside,

Watching people pass me by.

I am invisible to them.


I watch the storms in the sky,

And the rain pouring madly on everything.


Sometimes it is too dark,

And I can see nothing,

I can only hear the clouds roaring and thundering,

Very close.


*


It's horrible,

These gloomy days that surround us.


The wind rages more,

And I shiver against the cold,

And yet it is not so bitter.

My body shivers and breaks,

And I welcome it. 

I welcome all of it, 

With silence, 

Indifference, 

And tears at night.


No one knows,

How horrible these gloomy days are.

Worse than shadows and scars,

Worse than blood, 

Worse than failure, 

Perhaps, worse than dying.


*


It's horrible,

These gloomy days that surround me,

In my haven of sleep even, 

My worlds of dream.

I loathe dreaming now,

And I loathe these gloomy days of mine.
Gloomy Days
This is part of a larger poem I've written last year. I think I'll upload it later. I just felt kind of artistic and this came up. Not sure about the category though.
Loading...
I thought I became nothing a long time ago.

Why is it then that I keep losing parts of me everyday?

How is it possible that I keep breaking a little more?
It seems this is my fate

To always be lost between two things, two feelings, two roads

Pulled from both sides

Shredded

Damaged 

Always in grey. 


It is times like these

That I want to clutch my heart so tight

And pluck it off

Or squeeze it hard and long 

Until the vessels burst

And it is no more.


It is at such times

That I wish this weight inside my chest

Didn't weigh a thing.


How come I feel a heavy hole inside? 

What sense is there in that?
What do you do when you became aware of a hole inside your chest?

Do you search for warmth to fill it up?

Do you wait for said warmth to come find you itself? 

Or do you abandon the search and waiting all together?

And when you fail in your search and give up on your waiting, what happens then? 


Is there truly no light warm enough for me? 

Is there truly no other way than to stitch up the tear myself?

But how can I? 

How can I mend the hole inside my chest when it is already suffocating to breathe? 

How can I be able to draw air inside again?

How can I succeed when I am undeserving in the first place? 


What do you do when you become aware of a hole inside your chest? 

A hole that has always existed?

And warmth that you have always lacked?

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Alene-Writer

Artist | Hobbyist | Literature

“I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.”

― Charles Dickens



Welcome! 
Please enjoy whatever words I babble on and write down. I often do that, and it’s pretty magical to me! I hope you would feel the same.

Favorites, comments and watches are much appreciated.
:)

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the :+fav:, honey. :heart:
Reply
:iconalene-writer:
Alene-Writer Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconperiodicfable:
PeriodicFable Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2017   Writer
Thank you so much for the favourite Alene. How are you? :)
Reply
:iconalene-writer:
Alene-Writer Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
I'm fine.. You're welcome and have a great day! :)
Reply
:iconmaldictus:
Maldictus Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much for the watch and fav! It means a great deal. ^^
Reply
:iconalene-writer:
Alene-Writer Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconrefield:
refield Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for considering Outside worthy of adding to your collection of favorites; may courage be found when it is needed.
Thank you also for considering me worthy of adding to your watch list, I hope not to disappoint!

Please consider helping me go pro by visiting my WordPress!
If you like my stuff consider buying a thing!
Reply
:iconalene-writer:
Alene-Writer Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome!
Reply
:icon00bioshock00:
00bioshock00 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Don't sweat it, Your pieces are really good, they are getting deeper, I can tell, or maybe I'm just relating more often. Amazing work as always!
Reply
:iconalene-writer:
Alene-Writer Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Some are deeper than others. I am so glad you can relate. And that you like what I write. Thank you again <3 :)
Reply
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