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Literature
What to remember anyway?
What to remember anyway?
Growing up from afar? 
The screaming? 
There was so much screaming! 
The angry scowls? 
The pain of the stabs? 
Even more so, the pain in my chest, every time? 
The hugs I never had? 
The kisses I never felt? 
The touches that never lingered, never were? 
Am I cruel for saying this?
Have I become so heartless?
Did I just lose my humanity?
What to remember?
Compassion and love
Barely there
Like they were in a constant state of dissolving
Fading into days and years? 
And tears that never seemed to stop? 
I do not know what love is
They cannot blame me
These words I did not choose
My past is writing it
My memories shape my mouth.
I do not know what love is
My life has been hard on me
And my heart did not learn to appreciate
And bleed for someone else
Someone sacred and blessed 
Someone favored by God and nature
Someone cherished by all creatures.
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 9 3
Literature
Inside Shadows
Inside shadows
Where nothing was
But heavy breaths and me
And the beating inside my chest
And the flow of my blood to my brain,
Death hovered.
Like waves upon a shore,
Fear crept towards and away.
Ascending and descending.
Rising and falling,
Like sand grains scattering at times
And decaying at others.
All the stars that once inhabited my world,
Bursted one after one.
All the ladders I used to climb to get there,
Crumbled beneath.
All the magical spells I created with love and obsession,
Conjured no magic.
What I was before and what I was then,
Didn't matter.
Didn't mean a thing.
Didn't hold a value.
Only what I was to become.
Or rather
What was to become of me.
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 8 0
Literature
Back to 5 years
No dear, your life hasn’t changed. Not yet anyway. Not ever most probably.
And yes, you still, from time to time, wonder if God interferes with our lives.
And no, you haven’t gotten any answer, not even a glimpse of a hint or a sign.
These I know.
What I don’t, however, is if you are still waiting to know.
If you are not, I salute you dearly!
But if you are, I think you are being unreasonable and unrealistic when living turned out to be the most realistic thing ever.
 
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 6 3
Literature
Echoes


Won't the ache in my chest cease?
Won't the tears at the edge of my eyes evaporate?
Won't the foolish hoping turn to ruins?
How dare I think it ever may?
How dare I wish it true?
How dare I let on?

:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 5 9
Literature
I fell for the dark side of you.
I fell for the dark side
of you
Slowly
Throughout the years.
I do not know today
If I gave you a part of my heart
Or if you took it
Back then.
Back then
When we were growing
Simpler
And into the same shape.
We must have crossed paths
At some point
I didn't see
Or feel.
Adrift
We were then
Apart
We grew.
And still we grow
Only now
Things are simpler for you
And more complicated for me.
I do not envy you
Any more than I ever did
I do not discard your pain
Or value.
But today
The gloom around you faded
The sorrow in your eyes
Invisible.
I still feel the dark pull
Of your mind
Wavering
But never stronger for me.
It calls me
And this is where I stop
Every time
I wish I can tell you.
I think you realize
How much you affect me
That I care
And fear.
But do you realize
You are at once
Chaining me forever
And yelling at me to get out?
It took me years
I know what I want
You do
But you do not want to.
I do not blame you
Or hate you for it
Still
I wish.
I fell for the dark side
Of you
You fell out
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 6 12
Literature
I
Fear
Alongside anticipation
I do not hurt
Believe me
Of life
Or death?
I exist in two bodies
And a leaping soul
Black
Black
Farewell my good will
I forgot my sanity
I forgot my name
But my sins are pure.
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 8 8
Literature
Heartbreak.
The tiniest flicker of hope
Is gone
Tonight I know
The bright days to come
Will never come
The dream I dared have for a while
Evaporated
Like a mist
On an late morning would
He would never know
I did not plan on telling him
Still
He would never know
That my heart once called for him
And skipped many a beat
That a time existed
When I lived in hope
Just to see him
And a star shined one night
Waiting
For him to love me

But
Tonight I know
He will never be mine.
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 9 8
Literature
Hey you.

Hey you.

I miss you, you know.
I think of you every day.
I picture you beside me.
I want you.
And, I think I need you.
 
If only I can read what is inside your head
And see from behind your eyes.
 
If only I can lean in
And feel your heartbeats against me.
 
If only you would let me.
 
Why do I want something I never had?
Oh but,
Is this not an answer itself?
 
Hey you.
I am slowly losing my sanity.
I am slowly dying without you.
 
 
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 10 16
Literature
You are there
I miss you amid the noise
And in the silence.
I cannot sleep the nights
My head is on my pillow
But I am restless
And scared
I am very scared of falling asleep
As if death is all that awaits me in my dreams
As if unconsciousness will devour every last piece of me
And I would never have been.
And
I cannot survive the days
Hours pass
Like seconds
Wasted
And lonely
My body is exhausted
My brain is broken.
~
You are there
In everything I do
And do not do.
You are there
In every sigh
And every spoken word
And every face I see.
I do not speak lots of words
I do not see lots of faces.
Yet
You are there.
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 9 4
Literature
Why Then?
Are you not really my friend?
Why then do I need to find an excuse to talk to you?
Why then do I think about my words before I speak them?
Why then is it hard for me to seek you out?
Why then is it the easiest thing as well?
Why then do I wish to see you every day?
Why then do I miss you the most at night?
Why then can I not tell you all my secrets?
Why then can I not tell you I love you?
Are you not really my friend?
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 14 9
Literature
Mortuus
This winter, I died with the nature.
I was buried under the snow,
And swept off with the wind.
The land is green.
There are flowers
Already blossoming on the almond tree
And small oranges on the orange tree
Outside my house.
But I am not revived.
This winter, I died with the nature.
But in the spring, I was not revived.
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 18 20
Literature
First Hour.
Suddenly I was missing my first hour,
that exact time I was born into this earth,
that exact moment I took in the first breath.
I don't think I've ever hated my life more than now,
but I've never loved that hour more.
It is the closest I've been to death afterall.
It is the nearest place I've been to that I most want now.
It is the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me.
Nothing comes even close.
I've only since grown more helpless, bound, uglier and certainly farther from non-existence.
What is the point?
Does God please with seeing us suffering because of others, from others.
What is physical pain compared to the hurt we feel inside? 
What are bruises on our bodies compared to the bleeding of our hearts? 
What are tears compared to the fading of our souls? 
What are screams compared to the sound of our shattering selves?
What is the point to continue with all these together?
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 7 5
Literature
Dance.
Eyes closed
She feels the beats inside her
The music loud.
She starts to move
Swaying her body
In every direction she knows
She never learned to dance
But cares not
The night is a good hideout
Perfect
She feels her heart alive
For once
Fast
Turns
And jumps
Faster
She hears herself screaming
In delight
For once
She forgets how to breathe
And how to think
She feels the beats bursting inside
Like the sparks of light she can sense around her
Or those of ancient stars shining in the sky above her
A moment
She dances on the edge of a mountain
The ocean below is raging
A moment
She dances around columns of wild fire
A moment
She dances on a foreign street in a foreign country
Under a foreign sky
Alone
A moment
She dances among bodies
Shaking with heat and the same song
Her blood runs wild
A thing inside her is ignited
Of passion
And lovely madness
She loves it
She loves something
For once.
She opens her eyes
The opposite wall greets her
With taunt and pity
Too soon
On the bed
Her body is limp
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 3 5
Literature
What they call depression.
Perhaps it's what they call depression,
the feeling of helplessness and uselessness,
the feeling that the world is a good and happy place for everyone around you,
everyone else, 
the feeling of being in the middle of all the action and not being able to reach out or touch, 
the feeling of life arriving and then passing by you like the flow of water near a rock on a bank,
never touching.
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 7 7
Literature
Guilty of Existence.
There are moments in our lives when we miss a dear friend very much and yet are unable to be with them.
We want to see them but we don't want to see people other than ourselves.
We need them but the need to be alone is stronger.
We love them but would hate ourselves if we are there.
They are very perfect and our presence shall only cause distress, mess things up, stain their otherwise lovely atmosphere.
hate doing that.
And I have lots of these moments!
Too many!
It's hours and days and weeks, not merely moments.
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 4 5
Literature
Nights lessons
It is fascinating what the nights teach us
From the very beginning
Until the very end
They teach us how to fall asleep
And create dreams
How to ponder on past days
And plan for the future
How to pray to God
And thank the sky
How to kiss
And make love
How to relive memories
And shed tears
How to give in to pain
And give up on life
For me
The nights taught me how to sob without a breath
And scream without a sound
How to still my heartbeats
And weep without tears
How to shiver under thick blankets and under bitter cold
How to hate my soul
And this indifferent world.
 
:iconAlene-Writer:Alene-Writer
:iconalene-writer:Alene-Writer 8 18

Favourites

Literature
Escape Train
"Why is that when we get older, our minds just seem to drift away, and we act like the children that we used to know?"
"Maybe it's just because our body's are, in a sense, deteriorating as we get older?"
"Try, but it just seems sad, knowing that no matter how we try, our minds will one day be forever lost, all because of age."
"Well, at least we can enjoy our time now, right?"
"Jared, for the best few years, we've been on this train, doing nothing more but discuss about the same topics over and over again. What is there to enjoy in life, when neither of us can get off this damn thing?"
"That's true... But, maybe the reason why you can't, maybe towards the fact that your afraid too..."
"Afraid too?"
"I mean, I know you more than anybody Tim. You ran on to this train 5 years ago, hopping to escape the lush worlds of reality. Which is the result of you never aging, yet never growing as a person."
"Well, why should I? Getting older is terrifying. And the fact that all people do is work lik
:iconAwsomeIsRed:AwsomeIsRed
:iconawsomeisred:AwsomeIsRed 2 3
Literature
Starry Map
I trace stars on my arms
as satellites light up
under my skin,
detecting motion and feeling
and an unknown gravity.
Constellations weave into
galaxies, swirling and chasing,
growing fainter and fainter.
They drift away into nothing,
so I trace,
and trace again.
:iconAutumn-Fires:Autumn-Fires
:iconautumn-fires:Autumn-Fires 12 6
Literature
You're Doing Fine
When you feel like you're about to give up,
when you feel like nothing's right,
remember you're still alive,
you are still breathing,
your heart is still beating,
you are the son or daughter of the universe,
and that is an extraordinary thing.
So keep on breathing,
and keep on living.
You're doing fine.
:iconAutumn-Fires:Autumn-Fires
:iconautumn-fires:Autumn-Fires 5 0
Literature
Cold Kisses
The world always seems quiet
when it's snowing, as if
all sounds fall to the ground
with the snow, and it's all
released
when you walk on the ground.
crunch,
crunch,
crunch.

Sparkling frozen bits of cloud
melt on my skin like
cold kisses of winter,
fading as quickly as they came.
:iconAutumn-Fires:Autumn-Fires
:iconautumn-fires:Autumn-Fires 5 0
Literature
Seafall
I wrote my secrets on burning paper,
bottled them up tightly and
cast them into the churning sea.
Maybe one day someone will find them.
They'll read the crumbling ash
and I'll be wondering what they think of me.
Bury your treasure, toss it overboard.
Keep your identity under lock and key, and
wait until the stars fall
to search for your lost name.
Only then you'll finally realize
just how much you're worth after all.
:iconAutumn-Fires:Autumn-Fires
:iconautumn-fires:Autumn-Fires 10 2
Literature
Carnation
It's time to let go
  Let go of this life.
And grab a new one.
You've lost your way
  Now it's time
To make a new path.
It's ok, don't worry
  It'll be temporary
Those pain that you've to endure
I'll guide you
  And lead you to a right one
The one your heart always wanted.
:iconAlbtraumDamon:AlbtraumDamon
:iconalbtraumdamon:AlbtraumDamon 9 5
Literature
Never Despair
I saw your thoughts through the tears in your eyes,
but what I saw came as a bit of a surprise.
You couldn't hope to live all your dreams and desires,
it was never possible to extinguish all of those fires.
Life is always a list of losses and gains,
our souls are made up of all that remains.
Serene is the lake but only a few times a year,
the wind and the rain makes it all disappear.
Pictures are painted with thoughts running wild,
life is then written with all we compiled.
We look at blank pages with both eyes open wide,
once filled with words we read them with pride.
It was so long ago that we stared at the stars in the sky,
asking a million questions and wondering why.
Now we sit in the darkness and see nothing new,
no beauty of flowers and skies cloudy not blue.
The past drifts away becoming insignificant it seems.
But it gave birth to new passions, new desires and new dreams.
:iconzilzalisme:zilzalisme
:iconzilzalisme:zilzalisme 6 6
Literature
Snow
There's something beautiful about tracks
In new fallen snow
A dream
Of what once was
:icon98prilla:98prilla
:icon98prilla:98prilla 9 1
Literature
A future so unsure
A future
So unsure
Of what will come
Will we drown in fear?
Or will we wade through anger and tranquility?
Or rise in glory?
The time to find out
Without reservations
Has come
:iconEvenchaos146:Evenchaos146
:iconevenchaos146:Evenchaos146 2 0
Literature
Empty Days

One week has passed and

I can hardly believe it’s all
Real because it seems so
Detached from reality- still
My heart still sags when I
See all the emptiness ahead-
My friends say ‘forget’ but
They know how much I can’t-
They suggest that I write
But I can only write what I feel-
And what I feel is sadness
:iconEvilScarrlett:EvilScarrlett
:iconevilscarrlett:EvilScarrlett 5 4
Literature
The Reaper
Skies are black with the anguish of the departed,
Rain once more to fall.
Wandering I ponder,
Does anyone comprehend the torrent?
Merely tears of the deceased.
Is there any mortal to understand,
The raging storm of the lifeless,
Screaming for escape?
Be there no one to realize that they,
Soon to join the swirling masses of sorrow?
Yet here the immortal stands,
Knowing of the fate that awaits.
Unable to save a single soul.
:iconWanderingInMyOwnMind:WanderingInMyOwnMind
:iconwanderinginmyownmind:WanderingInMyOwnMind 4 0
Literature
Mother of Stars
She is caring
her heart is gold
and the love she carries is unending
her soul
is comprised
of starlight
she resonates across the universe
her eyes shine like clay
she is strong
her mind is wise
and the advice she holds is tremendous
her spirit
is of harmony
when the night sky is shown
she is there
watching
waiting
vigilant.
She is the Mother of Stars.
:iconBlack-White-10:Black-White-10
:iconblack-white-10:Black-White-10 2 0
Within Temptation by WordOfChen Within Temptation :iconwordofchen:WordOfChen 24 9
Literature
Fly Away
Fly Away
with a gypsy wind blowin'
'neath a wandering star
my heart yearns to
fly away tonight
into some unknown
tomorrow land where I
may find a new sense of
my self
my reality
an' my being
:iconBenHammonds:BenHammonds
:iconbenhammonds:BenHammonds 1 0
Literature
prismatic vision
i swear i keep trying to write about you,
but i don't know how to
explain the way you make me feel like i'm
living in technicolour instead of monochrome, and
you can't put a black & white filter on this;
i wouldn't want to.
all i know is i feel at home
curled up against you, and that
you warm my hands when they're cold, and that
i haven't breathed this freely for a long time.
sometimes we only speak in raised eyebrows and smiles and
sometimes we only speak.
time with you stretches out into light years and
falls into milliseconds;
did you know space travel this advanced was possible?
because until i looked at you, i didn't.
:iconinthespacebetween:inthespacebetween
:iconinthespacebetween:inthespacebetween 23 16
Literature
Discovery
Uncharted land
No maps
Or guides
Unknown secrets
Undiscovered mysteries
Ours for the finding
Unseen views
Hidden tombs
Ours to discover
:iconEvenchaos146:Evenchaos146
:iconevenchaos146:Evenchaos146 2 0

Groups

Activity


That is what we do. Write and write and write... Until sadness is no longer a foreign part of us.
What to remember anyway?

Growing up from afar? 

The screaming? 

There was so much screaming! 

The angry scowls? 

The pain of the stabs? 

Even more so, the pain in my chest, every time? 

The hugs I never had? 

The kisses I never felt? 

The touches that never lingered, never were? 



Am I cruel for saying this?

Have I become so heartless?

Did I just lose my humanity?



What to remember?

Compassion and love

Barely there

Like they were in a constant state of dissolving

Fading into days and years? 

And tears that never seemed to stop? 



I do not know what love is

They cannot blame me

These words I did not choose

My past is writing it

My memories shape my mouth.



I do not know what love is

My life has been hard on me

And my heart did not learn to appreciate

And bleed for someone else

Someone sacred and blessed 

Someone favored by God and nature

Someone cherished by all creatures.
Inside shadows
Where nothing was
But heavy breaths and me
And the beating inside my chest
And the flow of my blood to my brain,
Death hovered.


Like waves upon a shore,
Fear crept towards and away.
Ascending and descending.
Rising and falling,
Like sand grains scattering at times
And decaying at others.


All the stars that once inhabited my world,
Bursted one after one.


All the ladders I used to climb to get there,
Crumbled beneath.


All the magical spells I created with love and obsession,
Conjured no magic.


What I was before and what I was then,
Didn't matter.
Didn't mean a thing.
Didn't hold a value.
Only what I was to become.
Or rather
What was to become of me.
Inside Shadows
I had a nightmare once, that I don't remember. But I remember how it felt. I was certain I was going to die. I didn't. And it inspired this.
Loading...
The day ends with tears, as usual. How can moods turn blue so fast? I just wish I can stop thinking about everything
No dear, your life hasn’t changed. Not yet anyway. Not ever most probably.


And yes, you still, from time to time, wonder if God interferes with our lives.


And no, you haven’t gotten any answer, not even a glimpse of a hint or a sign.


These I know.


What I don’t, however, is if you are still waiting to know.


If you are not, I salute you dearly!


But if you are, I think you are being unreasonable and unrealistic when living turned out to be the most realistic thing ever.


 

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Alene-Writer

Artist | Hobbyist | Literature

“I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.”

― Charles Dickens



Welcome! 
Please enjoy whatever words I babble on and write down. I often do that, and it’s pretty magical to me! I hope you would feel the same.

Favorites, comments and watches are much appreciated.
:)

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconhannaida:
HannaIDA Featured By Owner May 7, 2017
Thank you very much for adding In Jail to your favourites! Love 
Reply
:iconalene-writer:
Alene-Writer Featured By Owner May 7, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :D
Reply
:iconperiodicfable:
PeriodicFable Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2017   Writer
Thank you so very much for the favourite! 
Reply
:iconalene-writer:
Alene-Writer Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
You're most welcome :)
Reply
:iconss116:
SS116 Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
you honor me
Reply
:iconalene-writer:
Alene-Writer Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
No problem :)
Reply
:iconelextrified:
elextrified Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the fave, feedback and watch hun, it's appreciated more than you know :') :huggle:
Reply
:iconalene-writer:
Alene-Writer Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
You're most welcome. And thank you in return <3 :)
Reply
:iconelextrified:
elextrified Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
No worries at all, just spreading the love from one writer to another ;) keep up the great work!!
Reply
:iconalene-writer:
Alene-Writer Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah that's true!
Reply
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